Feeling Misunderstood by Family: Learning to Receive Love Despite Differences
I am the black sheep of my family. They look at me with confusion and misunderstanding, never fully getting why I do what I do or need what I need. It’s painful to acknowledge that so bluntly. As I write that truth, it hurts in my heart to feel so misunderstood by the people I deeply desire to be most seen and loved by.
The Loneliness of Being Misunderstood
This feeling of being misunderstood contributes to a big, lonely feeling deep inside. Emotional intimacy and closeness is when you are able to feel completely seen and accepted… well, not just accepted but rather loved. While I know my family loves me, that look of confusion on their faces about me and my life makes me feel like they don’t truly get me, and if they can’t get me, then it feels like they can’t fully love me.
Realizing Love Comes from Their Capacity, Not Yours
Here's the tricky thing: they fully love me. I used to be so angry and hurt that they wouldn’t learn and grow and change to love me the way that I need to be loved from them, but I realized (through a very painful healing moment) that I was asking them to provide a love to me that they never received. I was asking them to pour emotional love all over me from an empty cup… or a cup they don’t know even exists.
Being fully loved isn’t about fitting in or living in a way that other people easily accept you. The experience of being able to be fully loved is based on the ability to show all beautiful and beautifully flawed sides of you, and someone says, “It’s ok… that doesn’t scare me… I love you and am undeterred by your flaws and want to offer you nurturing and supportive love so you can heal and be free from the pain you carry alone.”
Choosing to Receive Love as It Is
My mom messaged me last night and said, “While I don’t get your lifestyle or what you’re doing, your father and I are trying really hard to be supportive.” This sentence is so FULL of love for me… because they’re trying. They love me so much that they are willing to try. I know they will not get it perfect or really get it at all one day, but instead of focusing on what they can’t do, I’m choosing to allow myself to receive the love of parents who wish they could understand.
So while I look forward to forming new relationships, both platonic and romantic, from a place of being seen and loved, I’m also looking back on the relationships that couldn’t but wished they could and realize that I am book-ended with love.
Because their love is FULL for me.
These are my honest and raw thoughts,
I hope they help.
Katie
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