The Pressure You Put on Yourself: Adjusting, Self-Compassion, and Acceptance
When I took the leap of faith and moved from Toronto to Mexico for the summer of 2025, I went from stability, routine, and boredom to transient, unpredictable, and overstimulated.
I forgot that it takes the average human to adjust to “big changes” 3-6 months. I quickly picked up my life, move internationally, leaving my dog, my favourite dance teacher, and my routined morning walks with Archie to the park. These routines helped me to peacefully contemplate life’s big questions and help me not to be anxious. When I was anxious abroad I found myself being hard on myself for not being able to adjust quickly.
The Cost of Being Hard on Yourself
My impatience with my mind, body, and spirit’s pace to quickly adjust leaves me frustrated with myself. Being frustrated with oneself really serves no purpose other than demanding more or asking you to be something you’re not. Frustration towards self signals a lack of self-acceptance, self-attunement, self-compassion, and allowing yourself to just be you.
It's also known as “being hard on yourself” or “perfectionism” or “critical of oneself”.
It’s likely an adaptation from childhood experiences that didn’t provide pace or capacity for our needs. These experiences demanded that we set our needs aside and show up “well,” or “well adjusted,” or “good”.
We then create a belief that we shouldn’t need space/time, silence/solitude, support/affection to feel regulated when transitioning or just getting through the day. It asks us to perform that we’re ok when we’re not, and we shame and blame ourselves as needing too much or question why we can’t just be ok.
That alone can explain a lot as to why I struggled with depression, anxiety, insecurity, and suicide beginning in my teen years.
I had the privilege to intensely study psychology and sociology through my two degrees in social work, and started my lifelong interest in learning more about how trauma impacts us. I always thought that when I have children, I’ll get to stop this emotional detachment and neglect with my kids.
But as I aged, and kept getting older, now into my late 30s, the question of having children lingers, and I got discouraged thinking that I won’t be able to share my healing in an impactful way with my family’s future lineage. You see, our healing feels more complete when we get to turn our pain into purpose and witness how it’ll help others avoid this type of suffering.
Tools to Release Pressure
The practice of setting all these thoughts and demands to the side, letting your anger go outwards (not internalizing it), and attuning to what you want and need from yourself is the antidote to this pressure you put on yourself.
Repeat after me: “I fully love and accept myself.”
Making the conscious decision to not take time and slow down and to keep pushing through will lead to exhaustion, burnout, anxiety, depression and other unpleasant experiences.
Here are some journal prompts to help you regulate, connect, and choose your path of beautifully accepting your imperfection and not defaulting to performing: (don’t overthink these… keep it simple and use as much or as little time as each prompt needs)…
Prompt 1: Sensory Grounding
“Right now, I notice…”
Describe in detail:
· 3 things you can see
· 3 things you can hear
· 3 things you can feel in or on your body
· 1 thing you can smell or taste
(Let it be simple and unfiltered—what’s around you, not what you “should” notice.)
Prompt 2: Compassionate Check-In
“What does my body need from me today?”
“What does my heart need from me today?”
“What’s one small way I can meet those needs right now?”
Prompt 3: Naming & Normalizing
“I feel overstimulated because…”
“This doesn’t mean anything is wrong with me. It means…”
“What I wish I could give myself permission to do is…”
I’d love to hear what you think about what I shared. Maybe you agree or disagree… I’d love to know. Or maybe there’s something in my words that hit you or made you think twice… I’d love to know and to connect with you more on this.
These are my raw and honest and thoughts,
I hope they help.
Katie
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